i know my mum is very upset with me about my decision. its clear after knowing that she told big brother that she's disappointed in me. hmm.. i can see it through the cold shoulder she's giving me. but she got it all wrong. the one i'm holding grudges against is dad, not her. and she thought it was her that im having grudges against. and it is dad that i've never regarded as a father. why? because unlike other babies who get their father to read prayers when they're given birth, i don't. where was he? among the three of us, only i don't get that. and amongst the three of us, i didn't get to sleep with him when i was younger. then two months after his release, he start to hit us already. what is this? who gets that? and when i was at darul ma'wa, he didn't allow mum to come and visit me. what is he trying to prove?! that is the reason why im all grudges against him. i don't have any grudges against mum. i know she conceived me for the 9months and battled with her life to give life to me. and she was there through out my happy and sad times. but she just doesn't know the real truth.i really hope she finds this out soon. i really missed the her i used to know. been crying every night before sleep because of this.
ohh god, please help me in soothing her heart. and get her to know this misunderstanding. ;'(
